can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
