never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
