i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just found a bag of teeth...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
