Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
