hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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