i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
