do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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