and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
