im about as happy as oj after his trial
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Randomize
