At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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