Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He passed out mid-signature
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
