I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This baby is an asshole
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
