i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
