We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
