i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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