I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
