I wannas sexs uuuuu
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
