I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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