the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
whose parrot is this?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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