I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
