Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
