Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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