I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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