i just made my gag reflex go away.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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