Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Randomize
