Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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