Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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