But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
