I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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