I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
