On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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