it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
