Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
