in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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