I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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