I think my vagina is haunted
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize