Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
