i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
