He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
