The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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