well I can't set my house on fire every night
Duck Duck Cougar?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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