Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
