she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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