Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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