Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
