you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
