Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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