Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
