are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
