Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
