Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
