So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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