he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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