I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
