you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
