Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize