Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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