Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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