Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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