can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
