come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
