I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
