I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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