turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
