I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I look better un-naked...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pants are for mortals
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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