You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
