You're completely useless in the revolution.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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